How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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