It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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