you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
