Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm having to shit out rocks
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