I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
