a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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