My cat gives me a boner
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
