we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
