Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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