So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
zippers are such a cool invention
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
