maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
