i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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