Umm I'm too high to move.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
