i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
