god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
