i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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