there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
