My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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