i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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