How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
