Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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