Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
