I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am naked and annoyed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need to align my fucking chakras
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
