So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
