Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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