Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
