White coat. Heels.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
