You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
