pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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