I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
