I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
