The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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