Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
