i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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