so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
farters have to be the big spoon...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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