Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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