Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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