i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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