Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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