I accidentally had phone sex last night
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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