wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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