I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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