dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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