the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
