dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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