JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
