We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
