What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
