I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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