I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
