apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
