Can i not drive my cunt home
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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