Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
