So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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